Last week, we lost Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, people who inspired so many, people who infused the world with delight and creativity. We were devastated to discover the pain they were living with, the pain that ultimately led them to take their own lives. I’ve been thinking a lot about pain for the last week. About the shadow side of life and why we keep our pain hidden in darkness when all it does there is fester and eat our life away, sometimes literally devouring our very existence.
Why are we so ashamed of our pain? Why is it not safe to say to one another, “I’m hurting”? Why do we suffer alone? Why is it so hard for us to be what we already are – completely human, someone who isn’t always okay?
Somewhere I heard the saying, “When pain is shared, it doesn’t become trauma.” I’ve had pain, both physical and emotional, that I thought I would never survive nor recover from, pain that I thought would break me in half. Not only did I survive, but I have recovered, and what made the difference for me was the pain being brought to light in the safe space of someone who could bear it with me. I needed that even when God was abiding with me in my pain; I needed both. He created us for relationship and for love, and our presence can heal one another.
Pain cannot withstand the light of love. It will transform in the face of it. It will shift and change and eventually become wisdom and compassion. God is a redeemer; we have the victory, because even the darkest parts of life can be made into light when surrendered and offered to God. Sadly, sometimes we lose people before they are able to know and experience this.
If we normalize pain as what it truly is – part of the human condition – perhaps we won’t be so afraid to have our pain be witnessed. We’ll bring it out into the light, even just to one other person, where it will have to shift and change, where we can be healed.
So with the events of this past week, I want to say: don’t be afraid to look into your dark places and be honest with yourself about the ways life has broken your heart. Make sure you have at least one person with whom it’s safe to share those things. (Look for compassion, acceptance, someone who is aware of their own pain, and the ability to be fully present.) Try as much as you can to BE that person for the people you love. And seek, without shame, whatever help you need to be well. There is NO shame in therapy, counseling, crying and experiencing “negative”/difficult emotions, taking medication, and whatever else you need to heal. Pursue your healing. It is your birthright and God wants you to be well.
Love bears pain. I can only speak to the love of God, because that is what has ultimately saved me. My heart was broken, but oh I found the heart-mender! In God’s great love for us, Christ came and died a death on a cross, a death he didn’t deserve, that death, pain, loss, and suffering would no longer have the final say. Death and suffering were swallowed up in the love between Father and Son, that now all who suffer are taken up into the love of God, for God knows that place, God knows what it is to face death and pain. He knew what we needed most and He has provided it in the person of Jesus Christ.
When you suffer, God is there – God is with you, bearing it with you. And He has already given us victory over the shadow side of life in the promise of the Holy Spirit – that God will be right where we are, breathing in us. Knowing that I am never alone, even and especially when I’m in pain…that saves me every day. I wish you peace today.
